


Asexuality

by nhasablog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexuality, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4176783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nhasablog/pseuds/nhasablog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James just wants Sirius to know that he isn’t weird or broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asexuality

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr nhasablog.tumblr.com. I've posted +200 tickle fics on there, so check it out if you want to see more!

When James and Lily finally got together, it was as if the whole castle exhaled in relief. They no longer would have to deal with the couple’s constant dancing around each other, James doing everything in his power to convince Lily to give him a chance, and Lily keeping up her act of not caring. Besides, they turned out to be one of those disgustingly adorable couples you ended up rolling your eyes at.

The most support came from Remus and Sirius. Of course, the support came in different ways from the two. Remus helped James plan dates and wanted to know how everything went afterwards and he was the one James would go to if he needed romantic advice, despite Remus being as inexperienced as he was. Remus had a pretty close bond with Lily and knew what she liked, and it turned out to be extremely helpful.

Sirius, on the other hand, showed his support in the form of knowing looks, winks, and way too personal questions, demanding all the details. The dirty details. James refused to share anything before he talked to Lily about it. She understood that you had to share some stuff with your best friend and that was how James ended up revealing everything to Sirius. Of course, they had already been dating for a few months and were taking it slow, but Sirius was satisfied with what he got nevertheless. After that he would constantly bring up sex, saying he wished he had James’ luck and so on. Typical teenage boy.

Peter was mostly quiet about the whole thing; just smiling supportively and asking very few questions. James would say he was curious in the same way Remus was.

Something James did notice, however, was the fact that he was the only one out of the four of them who had any sort of love life. The others didn’t even seem to have any short-lived romances. James could kind of understand Remus’ reluctance to let anyone in. Peter was too withdrawn to make a move on anyone. James could understand why those two remained celibate. What he couldn’t grasp was the fact that Sirius – outgoing, dirty-minded Sirius – was single. He would constantly whine about wanting some action. He was a good looking guy and several people had shown interest in him. Why didn’t he take the chance if he was so desperate for it?

James was confused, and in the midst of all the exams and holiday preparations, Sirius was the only thing circling in his mind, ironically. Okay, that was a lie. Lily took up a pretty huge part of his thoughts, but Sirius was a close second. Sirius was going to stay with him during Christmas, so James decided to confront him then, when no one could interrupt them.

It was Christmas Eve and the boys had just locked themselves in James’ bedroom after a huge meal with the Potters. Sirius, despite having done this for several years, couldn’t stop thanking James’ parents and James had to practically drag him into his room. He had some questions to ask.

“Seriously, I love your mum’s cooking,” Sirius said for the umpteenth time that evening, throwing himself onto the extra bed they had brought out for his sake.

“I’ve known that since the very day you met her,” James replied with a grin, taking a seat next to him.

“It always makes me sleepy, though,” Sirius added, stifling a yawn.

“Do you think you can stay awake for a little longer? I have something I want to discuss with you.”

“What did I do this time?”

“It’s what you haven’t done.”

“Since when do you get in trouble for not doing something?”

“You’re not in trouble. Relax, Padfoot.”

James could see that his serious tone had gotten a rise out of his friend, who looked slightly more nervous than before, but was trying to play it off cool. He decided not to let him suffer any longer.

“I’m just wondering why you’ve never dated anyone.”

Sirius blinked where he was lying, turning his head slowly to look at him blankly. “Why I’ve never…dated anyone?”

James nodded, searching for the right words. “I mean, you constantly tell me how lucky I am to have Lily and how you wished you had someone or that you could at least get to do something with someone, but I’ve seen you let go of lots of chances to get all those things and I’m just wondering why you’re doing that.”

Sirius looked stiffer than before, averting his gaze and locking it on the ceiling above them instead. He remained silent for a long time, and just before James was going to ask what was going on he let out a long sigh, his breath shaking slightly.

“I’m just saying those things,” he started, his voice low. “because that’s what teenage boys are supposed to say.”

He didn’t elaborate and James could honestly say that he was way more confused than before. “Supposed to say? So you don’t actually mean them?”

Sirius shook his head; the movement immensely small, but easily detectable. “I don’t…have any real desire for those things. I just say that I do to seem normal.” He paused to cross his arms before continuing. “I don’t think I’m normal.”

A wave of understanding suddenly washed over James and he felt a pang of ache in his heart as Sirius’ broken words echoed around his head, the hurt in his voice growing louder each time he replayed it. He searched his friend’s face with his eyes, but all he found was a stoic expression and a refusal to catch his eye. Sirius thought he wasn’t normal.

“Sirius,” James started, and everything was suddenly so much graver than before because James didn’t use his nickname. He knew Sirius could feel it because his body went even stiffer, as if bracing himself for an attack. James felt as if he’d been punched in the chest. Sirius didn’t trust him.

“Sirius, you are normal,” he told him, hoping to God that his voice came out steady and reassuring. “Just because you don’t want something that’s common, doesn’t mean you’re not normal.”

Sirius didn’t move an inch, but he seemed to be holding his breath now.

“You don’t want sex? That’s fine. You don’t want a relationship? That’s fine as well. You’re asexual or aromantic or both, and that’s totally fine.”

James had an aunt who labeled herself as an asexual and she had told James all about it because she wanted him to be open about these things. He needed to thank her thoroughly for it, because Sirius didn’t have to say much at all to get James to understand.

“Of course, you don’t even need to put a label on yourself. You’re just Sirius, and that’s enough.”

Sirius broke out of his trance at that, covering his face with his hands and turning to his side, facing James and curling into a ball. A sob shook the whole bed and James gathered him in his arms immediately.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” James tried to comfort him, feeling overwhelmed and useless as Sirius cried and cried. “You’re good. You’re okay.”

“No one has ever t-told me that b-before,” Sirius sobbed, his voice muffled by James’ shirt. “Th-that I’m not b-broken because of this.”

“You’re definitely not broken,” James assured him, feeling angry that Sirius had thought that for so long. “Never think that again. You don’t need sex or a relationship to live a fulfilled life.”

Sirius continued crying for a little longer, letting the stress and pain he’d bottled up for so long leave his body, clinging to James for dear life. James just held him tighter.

He remained in James’ arms for a few more minutes after he’d calmed down, his breathing evening out and his body going slightly limp. When he finally emerged his eyes were red and puffy, but he seemed more relaxed than ever. James wished he’d never have to be sad ever again.

“Feeling better?” he asked him softly.

Sirius nodded, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Yeah, I’m good.”

James smiled. “I’m glad.”

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, a blush spreading from his neck upwards. He turned his head to try to hide it, but James noticed and couldn’t help pointing it out.

“Hey, you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assured him, giving him a look.

“I just cried into your arms. I’m allowed to be slightly embarrassed.”

“There’s no shame in crying, Padfoot.”

Sirius fell down on his back again, covering his face much like before. “Right.”

“Come on.” James poked his stomach, grinning when he jumped at the touch. “Don’t make me do this, Padfoot.”

Sirius didn’t move, being as stubborn as ever, and James let out a dramatic sigh. “If that’s the way you want it.”

He pounced on his friend, straddling his hips and grabbing his wrists, forcing them away from his face and pinning them down with his knees. Sirius didn’t look alarmed in the slightest. Quite on the contrary; he seemed to be looking forward to what James was about to do.

Without further ado, James dug into Sirius’ upper torso, switching between squeezing his sides, poking his ribs and wiggling his fingers over his stomach. Sirius started laughing immediately, the sound carefree and bright, just the way James wanted it.

“You’re so ridiculously ticklish, Padfoot,” he told him, his voice teasing. “It’s adorable.”

“Shuhuhut up, Prohongs!” Sirius squealed back, squirming like crazy underneath him.

“I’m just trying to cheer you up. We can’t have you go to bed sad.”

James spent the next ten minutes tickle torturing his friend. He went to town on his tummy, one of Sirius’ worst spots, moving slowly upwards and playing his ribs like a piano before digging into his armpits, having him thrash around helplessly. Don’t be fooled, though. Sirius loved being tickled and James knew it.

“Plehehease Prohohongs!” Sirius cried after a while, kicking his feet in desperation. James didn’t say a word, only backed off for a few seconds to let him catch his breath before diving back in.

“Nohoho!” Sirius giggled when James squeezed his thighs now, going downwards and wiggling his fingers behind Sirius’ bare knees. He was so happy Sirius spent the majority of his time at the Potters’ cozy home wearing shorts.

Sirius kicked his feet and tugged at his arms and squirmed like crazy, but he never told James to stop, which is how James knew that he hadn’t crossed the line just yet. He brushed his fingers over Sirius’ neck, grinning when he scrunched up his shoulders with a shriek.

“Gohohod,” he giggled and James laughed.

“Is it getting too much for you, Padfoot?” he asked playfully, wiggling his fingers where they were trapped between Sirius’ shoulders and neck. “I mean, my hands are kind of stuck, so it’s your own fault if you don’t want to let up and set me free.”

Sirius just continued to giggle, his face red and sweaty. “Okay, okahahay! I gihive up! Plehehease stohop!”

That was James cue and he backed off, slipping his hands out of their trap easily. He heaved himself off of Sirius and sat down on his own bed, watching him calm down.

“Feeling better?”

Sirius nodded, residual giggles leaving his lips. “Yehes.”

“And remember; if you ever do end up having sex and being in a relationship, it doesn’t mean your feelings now aren’t valid. Sexuality is a tricky business and can be pretty fluid. I just don’t want you to ever feel bad about what you want or don’t want ever again. Unless, you know, you want to have sex with dead people, because then I say you need to sort out a thing or two.”

Sirius let out a chuckle, shaking his head at him. “Thanks for ruining the beautiful moment we almost had, Prongs.”

“No problem, Padfoot.”

“Don’t think that this means you’ll get to stop giving me details about your nights with Lily.”

“I wouldn’t dream of keeping those private things away from you.”

“Good.”


End file.
